Monday, August 20, 2012

I'm a proud settler from Modiin

I'm a proud settler from Modiin

Amiad Taub

A man wakes up one morning and suddenly discovers that he is a settler. Not just any settler, but a new breed of settler — run-of-the-mill bourgeois. This form of settlement comes with all the benefits of raising three children, with a dog and a garden, without the need for armored buses or the danger of being set on fire by Molotov cocktails while driving home.

The truth is that after I realized that my status had changed (and not just on Facebook), I realized that there simply isn't anything better than being a settler who enjoys the best of both worlds.

On the one hand, the halo of right-wing Zionism based on the trinity of religious Zionism: the people of Israel, the Torah of Israel, and the land of Israel, all within 25 minutes driving distance from both Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. And on the other hand, the range of economic incentives available to settlers, from subsidized after-school clubs and activities, to the shade provided by the tinted windows on your bullet-proof vehicle funded by the state. And you don't even need a passport or to endure stone-throwing at the Shilat junction! Classical Europe has delivered a solution right to the flaps of the tents of the social justice camp here in Modiin.

I promise that if I am elected to the next Knesset under the Religious Zionism Party, I will send a personal letter that includes grains of sand from this Hasmonean settlement, to European Union officials, as a token of gratitude for adding the title of settler to my resume following this outrageous decision by these annoying Europeans, who need a diplomatic passport in order to reach reality. The fact that these European economists found time to meddle in Israel's internal affairs without a basic understanding of reality here shows that an anti-Israel political motive is the only thing spurring them on.

These are the same Europeans who have refused to add Hezbollah to its list of terrorist organizations, even after the attack in Bulgaria, and have demanded that Jerusalem be divided.

The Europeans prove time and again that we need to focus on and implement the words of Israel's first prime minister, David Ben-Gurion, who said "our future does not depend on what the gentiles say, but rather what the Jews do."

Another person who needs to thank the EU is Dani Dayan, head of the Yesha Council, who in a blink of an eye had more than 80,000 settlers added to his constituency, something that even the most extreme Muslim demographic growth rate would have trouble matching.

And my poor leftist neighbors! Meretz voters, and Ni'lin demonstrators, who, heaven help us, were turned into settlers against their will and received a resounding slap from their enlightened European friends. And if this is not political coercion, then I don't know what coercion is.

It is also important to commend all the Foreign and Public Diplomacy Ministries' officials, who jumped up as if they were bitten by a snake and spread angry messages after discovering, once again, that the EU does not listen to them.

Where was the Ministry of Public Diplomacy when Israel needed it? This is the same needless ministry that produced the campaign to show the gentiles of the world which country invented both the hair-removal device and two out of the three commonly used sclerosis drugs, a campaign that surely changed Israel's diplomatic standing forever.

If someone is looking for a four-bedroom apartment in a good neighborhood in a green and leafy settlement in the center of the country near a train station, dog park, and mall, I know several good leftists who are selling.